“Go out there, kid! Make a name for yourself-”
JAMARCUS McTHUNDERNUGGETS THE THIRD
“Trent that’s not really what i-”
It’s Jamarcus now
damn girl, you got a butt that WON’T QUIT *butt pulls out a knife* wait, no- *butt stabs me* no, stop- *butt doesn’t stop* …et tu, bootay
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Finally figured out the reason I look so bad in photos. It’s my face
Me: You can’t honestly expect me to believe this house isn’t haunted; I can see the ghost walls from here.
Realtor: Those are windows.
Having a tan is attractive. Having skin sponsored by Doritos isn’t.
I feel like something is missing from my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a puppy, or just a burrito.
No mom, I can’t date him. Well he took that which superhero are you quiz and well…*whispers* he got Daredevil.
Wife: Don’t tweet that
Me: *thinks about it*
Wife: I’ll divorce you
Me: *thinks harder*
Wife: And give you all 4 kids
Me: *hits delete*
Felt sad that rabbits ate all my marigolds.
Then felt glad that I don’t have to water them anymore.
Suburban life is a roller coaster.
[wife yelling in waterpark]
“BRENT SOMEONE IS STEALING THE CAR”
[top of huge slide] K IM STILL GONNA TAKE THE SLIDE DOWN CUZ IT’ll BE FASTER
Don’t mess with me. I come from a generation that would walk to a mail box to mail a letter if we were angry enough with you.