“Wow 4 tattoos.. those are pretty permanent you know”
Me: wow 4 kids… those are pretty damn permanent CAROL
Dance like nobody’s watching you.
‘Cause they’re not.
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You think you got problems
I just mixed a box of regular spaghetti with a box of thin spaghetti
Supper is ruined I tell you
If I were a fashion designer I wouldn’t spend any money on advertising but rather pay old people to wear my competitor’s clothing
If it exists behind a paywall, does it really exist?
Take me down to the paranoid city where the grass is TRYING TO KILL ME and the girls are CONSPIRING AGAINST ME
What idiot called it a rhyme book & not rapping paper
Please don’t ruin Breaking Bad for me… I’m only at the part where A texts Aria, Spencer, Hanna and Emily
Incredible news from my son’s school as he informs me he knows a 5 year old named Alan.
DAVE IS HAVIN A SEIZURE
Paramedic: How long has he been having convulsions?
IDK HE’S WHITE, I THOUGHT HE WAS DANCING
I’m the perfect man if you don’t factor in looks, depth of character, emotional availability, intelligence or financial well being.