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@CantWaitToNap: Dance like you haven’t fallen off that pole twice already.
@TravLeBlanc: Someone asked me what the sound of one hand clapping was so I slapped his face.
@MsCarlissima: My car starts to hydroplane. I let go & whisper, "Do it. Become the plane you've always dreamed of. I love you."
@cynicuhl: I miss the old days.
When a duck face meant that you had a stroke.
@MooseAllain: [tracker kneels and examines spoor]
- A herd of idiots has passed this way but an hour ago.
- How can you tell?
- Look. Fresh nincompoop.
@truegritrumble: Harmonicas were invented in 1932 when the worst person in the world decided he needed to organize his hot air into compartments.