Overheard my kids talking about how weird their teacher is.
I’m their teacher.
Dang you got a good deal on your tattoo and the squirrel’s so realistic. What? A portrait of your Mom? Dude I wish my Mom was a squirrel.
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My neck, my back. My pizza and my snacks.
What a night
And a text? Killing it
ok that was the pizza confirmation but still cruising
5: “I went to Banana Land. The bananas danced & had flowers & tiny pandas on their heads.”
Me: “I’ll have whatever that kid’s having.”
ANGEL: bad jokes are not allowed in heaven
ANGEL: that means absolutely no puns
*clouds turn to fire*
[1st day working in a Bank]
*gang comes in with a knife in their hands*
ME: *rushes over to them* Can you chop these apples for me
DETECTIVE: Where were you on the night of July 11th?
WALDO: (slides book across the table) You tell me, boss.
she has a point
“I’m on my way.” -People who haven’t even left the house yet.
*tucking t-shirt into tighty whities*
Time to seize the day.