INTERVIEWER: What’s your greatest strength?
M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN: [Removes mask to reveal that he was actually the interviewer the whole time]
Darth Vader: Luke, I am your father
Darth Vader: yeah. Why?
Luke: you have the voice of a heavyset black guy is all
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-Elephants who just saw The Peanuts Movie
I came this close!!!!
Just got a paper cut on my webbing so you guys go ahead without me. It’s been fun.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
*gives date flowers*
Here. I murdered these plants for you.
I was bored.
Him: Hey, we haven’t spoken in months!
Me *grabs his face* and now you’ve ruined it
*ok don’t let her know you’re a manatee*
Hi 2 movie tickets OH YOU HAVE MANATEE PRICING?!?
“Sir, do you mean matinee?”