I only studied genetics so I would know who to blame.
date: i like the strong silent type
me: [quietly trying to lift the table over my head]
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At Jurassic Park when they say to keep your hands and feet inside the car at all times, they mean it.
I often say to myself, “I can’t believe my cloning machine worked!”
M: Yes, I’m here for the complimentary wine tasting.
Priest: Ma’am, this is a church service.
M: Oh, no worries. I can wait.
My 5 year old son just asked “what if we put a slice of turkey in the DVD player and it played a movie about the turkey’s whole life” and none of the parenting books I’ve read have prepared me for this question.
Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang – So I shot him..
Imagine my surprise when I found out “restraining order” did not mean she wanted me to tie her up.
Divorce… The most common home improvement project.
[Truth or Dare]
Her: What’s your biggest secret?
Salazar Slytherin: *sweating* No secrets here haha. Definitely not a chamber full of ’em
Farmer: You’d like to exchange nutrient rich manure for my agricultural expertise?
Me: Yes. Shit for brains, if you will. Lol.