It’s the 13th anniversary of “Umbrella”. What a good excuse for…
Date: I love chicken
Me [trying to impress]: I’m actually a HUGE coward
You Might Also Like
If a cop yells at you to GET DOWN just start twerking cause damn, dude, be more specific
“I am as misquoted as Marilyn Monroe.”
– Abe Lincoln
Neighbor: Your husband is a talker.
N: Your husband. He has a story for everything.
M: Oh, I wouldn’t know.
M: I stopped listening to him in 2003.
“I’ll never forget you!” I yelled to what’s his name.
If Jesus died for our sins then why are there so many popups when i try to watch a movie online illegally
There are 3 types of people:
1. Dog people
2. Cat people
3. Clean house people
My 5 year old is looking all over the house for his drumsticks but he won’t have any luck finding them without a shovel.
How come no one in the fast and furious movies ever need to get gas?
(filing for divorce)
Judge: Hello there Mike. The usual?
Me: That’s right.