“Rapunzel! Let down your hair!”
RAPUNZEL: Hey hair, ya wanna go get ice cream?
RAPUNZEL: Well too bad. Because we’re not.
Date: I’m pretty easygoing, you?
Me: *regularly gets stressed out doing captcha tests bc I don’t know if bushes count as trees* Definitely.
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I just accidentally read “Federal” as “Feral” and it made zero difference to the article.
Suggested Thanksgiving Conversation starters: “Which God are we thanking again?”
You’re welcome 🙂
I’ve been working on a new type of martial arts that involves the taking of money from Hispanics.
Be the reason why the lights flicker when you enter a room.
Substitute teaching 1st graders was not at all the Dead Poets Society experience I was hoping it would be.
People ask me, “Matt, how do you do it?” , “Matt, what’s your secret?” , “Matt, why do you make up imaginary interview questions?”
As my kids get older, I am more convinced that drinking water fixes everything.
Have a stomachache – drink some water
Have a headache – you really need to drink more water
Bear attack on the way to school – I bet the bear was dehydrated, here have a glass of water
I just ran a .003048K
“Does this hurt?”
“What about this?”
*Dr. writes notes*
“Patient shows symptoms of pain when stabbed with knife. Keep updates.”