DATE: It’s expensive here.

ME: That’s okay, I’m not paying.

You Might Also Like


I found $80 in my jeans. The kid in me says “Buy Nerf guns and candy”, but the adult in me says “Buy vodka, Nerf guns and candy”.


We found out today how many people it takes to hold me down for a flu shot.


I don’t wanna brag, but my therapist just told me I’m above her skill level.


A guy gets hit on the head by a falling soda can. But he’s allright.

Guess he was lucky

*puts on sunglasses*

It was a soft drink



One of my biggest fears is that before I die, spiders will evolve the ability to coordinate their legs and run like horses.


Gluten free pizza is like a roller coaster that just goes straight.


If you hold the door open for me when I’m more than ten feet away, you aren’t doing me a favor. You’re making me exercise.


A lady posted her grandmother’s brownie recipe, so I tried making them. Turns out her grandma was a terrible cook