Hi guys, got a second date tonight, we’re going to the cinema. What’s the best flavour of soup to put in my thermos? Wanna get this just right
DATE: So what do you do?
ME: I race cars.
HER: That’s so cool. Have you won many races?
ME: No, the cars are much faster.
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Yesterday CNN reported that “sitting will kill you, even if you exercise” and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but living will kill you.
If I was a police sketch artist I wouldn’t listen to the victim. I’d draw a majestic gay dragon then flip it over and be all, “Is this him.”
Fun Fact: 100% of people don’t know what to do with a dirty dish at someone else’s house.
*talking to a cool girl at a house party while pretending my right foot is not currently stuck in the dog’s water bowl*
*pulls away from kissing, stares intently into his eyes
Your eyes are like pools of melted chocolate
Him: U started your diet, didn’t u
Just realized that my bf never asked me to be his gf and we never established that we are dating. We just like live together and have a baby together. But we don’t have an anniversary or anything. Omg are we dating? Is it too late to ask what are we? What if we are just friends
At least one of these will be out of date before the week’s up.
KiK? Nope. I only joke about divorce. I’m not committed to it actually happening.
Think I’ll pass.