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@InternetHippo: Date: That was fun, let’s do it again sometime
Me (suspiciously): Why
@StoneAgeRadio13: I SAID: How’s vacation going?
MY PARENTS HEARD: I’ve got a couple hours, can you tell me every intricate detail about the weather? Start with the day you left.
@LoveNLunchmeat: I always cry at weddings, but only because being that close to large cakes makes me so happy.
@InternetHippo: [fingers tented under chin]
What can I tweet that won't make people yell at me
[brick flies through my window]
@Turbo_Jimmy: Her: that's disgusting
Me: sorry, I like to poo with the door open sometimes
Her: you shouldn't be pooping in the car at all
@FoxyWinePocket: Son: Are you eating pie for breakfast?
Me (eating pie): No. Fruit casserole. Want some?
Son: NO. I hate casserole.
Me (whispers): I know...