are those your eyebrows, or did you headbutt a box of Sharpies
Dating must’ve been so easy for cavemen. This my cave. This my fire. You like rock? I have many.
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I think my eyes are playing tricks on me. *my eyes hide a whoopie cushion behind my skull*
A drinking game where you do a shot every time you are prompted to update Adobe
Really, IKEA? No free WiFi? Or do I have to buy one and assemble it?
I went to type “kill me” and it changed to “milk me.” I don’t even know what else to say now.
How to fix something:
-Say “let’s have a look”
-Describe the brokenness
-Break it a bit more
-Say “nah it’s broken”
-Place hands on hips
*Welds all night without incident..
*Burns self getting a pizza out of the oven..
“I got you, babe.”
It’s amazing how fast the first 30 minutes of work just fly by when you show up a half hour late for work.
Every time I think I’ve got the perfect family they escape.