@PostCultRev

DATING PROFILE: I’m looking for a partner in crime
FIRST DATE: Okay, I need you to kill the mayor

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@jergarl

It’s not a real twitter addiction until you look up from your phone and you’ve missed your exit by 37 states.

@Rainmaker1973

This video (reduced to a 17 second gif) created by British psychological professor Richard Wiseman demonstrates the power of perspective in creating illusions. It’s titled, “Assumptions”

@LostFelicia

I can eat 47 deviled eggs without throwing up.
Don’t ask how I know this.

@fro_vo

[spelling bee]
Your word is “echo”
can you use it in a sentence?
SENTENCE entence en????? ???? ??

@UnFitz

Her: You sure love to beat people over the head with your vocabulary, don’t you?

Me: I think the word you’re looking for is “bludgeon.”

@kirkfox

I don’t care what the FBI says, America’s most wanted still sounds like an honor.

@tweetmommybop

We will all sleep a lot better if someone tells us the nuke passcode requires spelling.

@TheJamesH1

Toast should never pick a fight with me because I eat toast for breakfast.

@BackrowSeats

I try contributing to society but it keeps insisting I take it back.