It’s not a real twitter addiction until you look up from your phone and you’ve missed your exit by 37 states.
DATING PROFILE: I’m looking for a partner in crime
FIRST DATE: Okay, I need you to kill the mayor
You Might Also Like
This video (reduced to a 17 second gif) created by British psychological professor Richard Wiseman demonstrates the power of perspective in creating illusions. It’s titled, “Assumptions”
I can eat 47 deviled eggs without throwing up.
Don’t ask how I know this.
Your word is “echo”
can you use it in a sentence?
SENTENCE entence en????? ???? ??
Her: You sure love to beat people over the head with your vocabulary, don’t you?
Me: I think the word you’re looking for is “bludgeon.”
A little poetry never killed anybody. But haiku keeps trying.
I don’t care what the FBI says, America’s most wanted still sounds like an honor.
We will all sleep a lot better if someone tells us the nuke passcode requires spelling.
Toast should never pick a fight with me because I eat toast for breakfast.
I try contributing to society but it keeps insisting I take it back.