@Tmoney68: [Last supper] *breaks bread* This is my body *pours wine* This is my blood *plays Montell Jordan* THIS IS HOW WE DO IT *Apostles go nuts*

@librarianfonz: There are gravy trains and boats. I wonder what gravy did to get on a no-fly list.

@MUMSIEesq: ME: I should get out of bed. FRIEND: I already ran 9.5 miles and baked 17 cakes. M: I might shower today. F: My husband invented showers.

@TheMichaelRock: My mom: I was thinking of getting my grandson a drum set for Christmas! Me: Funny. I was just thinking about getting a new mother.

@mattytalks: I booked a suite at a 5 star hotel and when my girlfriend arrived,on the bed spelled out in rose petals was "be right out,I'm taking a shit"