Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

@lovemydogduck

Starbucks really isn’t that expensive when compared to what Victoria’s Secret charges per cup

@KimmyMonte

humans only use 10% of their treadmills

@Bagyants

When a computer program says “Not Responding” I start texting it stuff like “Who are you with?” and “Just heard our song”

@trevso_electric

It’s summer. We’re young. Let’s sneak into someone else’s pool and skinnydip. If we get caught, we stab them and assume their identities.

@theydidthemath

Ant man

@goldengateblond

Why do people always make such a fuss over how much a newborn weighs? It’s a baby, not a stash of heroin.

@_youhadonejob1

Unfortunate sticker placement.
#BookLoversDay

@50NerdsofGrey

‘Do what you want!’ she cried lying back on the bed. ‘I love a man who takes control.’
‘OK’ he said and put her CDs into alphabetical order.

@carlielyn

“I’m Sorry”
And
“My Bad”

Mean The Same Thing.

Unless You’re At A Funeral.

@InThaBurbs

Legalize Marijuana and Criminalize Karaoke.