@thetigersez

Dating tip: Men find mysterious woman alluring, so keep the spark alive by occasionally acting like a lunatic possessed by the devil.

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@lovemydogduck

Starbucks really isn’t that expensive when compared to what Victoria’s Secret charges per cup

@Bagyants

When a computer program says “Not Responding” I start texting it stuff like “Who are you with?” and “Just heard our song”

@trevso_electric

It’s summer. We’re young. Let’s sneak into someone else’s pool and skinnydip. If we get caught, we stab them and assume their identities.

@goldengateblond

Why do people always make such a fuss over how much a newborn weighs? It’s a baby, not a stash of heroin.

@50NerdsofGrey

‘Do what you want!’ she cried lying back on the bed. ‘I love a man who takes control.’
‘OK’ he said and put her CDs into alphabetical order.

@carlielyn

“I’m Sorry”
And
“My Bad”

Mean The Same Thing.

Unless You’re At A Funeral.