@: Day 126 with no sex. I've lost hearing in my right eye
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@UncleDuke1969: I know I'm more literater than you because of my fancificacious vocabularianistic wordicisms.
@MissHavisham: My son came home and told me a classmate spoiled a huge part of Harry Potter for him, so now I have to meet a 2nd grader behind the bleachers at 3pm with my nunchucks.
@ConanOBrien: “He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake.” Santa is your cellmate.