You Might Also Like


Maybe she was just being paranoid, but Wendy couldn’t help feeling that she was being monitored.


My wife’s parrot is in love with some guy named Jeff lol


me: I’d like to withdraw 100K

banker: from which account

me: like whoever has the most


*slips seductively out of shorts*

You know what that means…

*sleeps soundly for 7 hours*

*drools a little*


Funny how arguing works. We’re all “You clearly disagree with me, so I will now repeat my point with steadily increasing levels of volume”


I didn’t sign up for the 401k at work, because there’s no way I can run that far.


TSA agent: I’m sorry we don’t allow liquids over 3.4 ounces

me: ok I’ll finish it here [drenches myself with Axe deodorant]


Things that are terrifying:

A snake on my hike
My 3yo saying: ‘member your dark red lipstick that I like to draw with?