From now on non fiction and fiction books shall be referred to as Fo Reals and Not Fo Reals. Pls pass along,
Day 218 of making fun of CrossFit.
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*on a 1st date*
Her:..and I have 3 cats
Me: Swipe left
H: Did you say “swipe left”?!
M: *panicked whisper* swipeleftswipeleftswipeleft
I love waking up next to you, I say as I roll over and gently kiss my bag of Doritos
*cat lays on my leg*
*I remain perfectly still for hours, so she won’t leave*
*I move half an inch*
*cat buys bus-ticket for next town over*
My Dad is recovering from an operation. Mum went out and left a door slightly ajar.
My parents do not have a cat.
HER: I work for the Red Cross.
ME: *leaning in* That’s a huge plus.
Shout out to the top 5 cards in the world, library, get well, business, gift, and Captain Jean Luc Pi.
dentist: it’s important that you don’t scratch your enamel. understand?
dentist: great. now open wide so i can claw your teeth with these steel hooks
People are so fake how can you love your newborn baby when you met it like 2 minutes ago and don’t know anything about it
[cow pushing 5 shopping carts out of store]
Ugh, why do I keep shopping for groceries on 4 empty stomachs