[texting old friend I only hung out with cuz they had a trampoline] do u still got that trampoline
I never thought this would happen to me. Today I met a sexy woman who told me I write letters to the wrong publication.
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WHAT DO WE WANT?
AN END TO AUTO-CORRECT ERRORS!
WHEN DO WE WANT IT?
A Tale of Two Cities 2: A Tale of Three Cities
A fun way to spice up any marriage is to surprise your spouse by doing a chore and then when they thank you, reply with “no problem, somebody had to do it.”
Not sure why my doctor prescribed LSD for a case of constipation…until I saw those dragons and totally shit my pants.
put it right into my veins
Corn mazes should just be called maizes from now on
Keep your coworkers on their feet by beginning your next e-mail with “If you’re reading this, I’m already dead.”
Did my parents think they could just blindly support my choice to wear Capri pants at age 13 without there being any consequences?
The logo for this sock company is a person being eaten by an alligator in a mobile cage and I wish I had been in the meeting where they came up with this.