boss: teamwork is very important
boss: not like that
Evolution could never design and create a machine that consumes scraps and produces bacon
You Might Also Like
There’s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed…
Sia’s full name is: “Sia…Wouldntwannabia.”
Nice try, horror movies, but the scariest thing I’ve ever seen is still a 4-year-old holding a sharpie without the cap.
youtube has completely changed how we handle home repairs. before, if something broke, you had to call a guy and wait for him to fix it. now you can just watch some youtube videos so you’re not bored while he fixes it.
[Runs into old school friend]
Him: hey you’re that guy who held weird grudges
Me: And how is my eraser?
Some people around here retweet like it’s coming out of their booze allowance.
How to handle a one night stand the next morning:
1. Put on Titanic
2. He’s gone, that’s it
My boyfriend just sent me a txt: ‘I think I want to see other people.’ My reply was, ‘You better look out the window.’
Every time you sing “What a Friend We Have in Jesus” I’m reminded how much I disapprove of My son’s friends.