Remember when all bombs looked like a black bowling ball with a giant wick in the top? Yep, simpler times.
Dear Girl Scouts,
Your Mints did not make me Thin.
ps. Please send more.
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and jesus said, “there was only one set of footprints because sandpeople always ride single file to hide their numbers.”
I only eat in two situations: when I’m hungry and when I’m not hungry
If pronouncing my b’s as v’s makes me sound Russian, then soviet.
It’s all fun and games till a Murder Hornet gets caught under your mask.
When she tells you she’s a dirty girl and you get the pictures and realize she meant she never cleans her house.
Unless you are a pregnancy test, take your negativity somewhere else.
The Sorting Hat seems like bad hygienic practice.
The best trick the devil ever pulled was calling herself “him”.
ME: *burps a little under my breath*
MY 5YO: [from 3 rooms away] say ‘excuse me’