Herbal tea…for when you want to drink some scented hot water.
Dear girls that go tanning, it’s called ‘sunkissed’, it’s not called ‘dorito raped’.
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I’m having an out-of-money experience.
Gonna hand out job applications to teenage trick-or-treaters who ring my doorbell.
Last night, a cop pulled me over. “Out of the car!” he said. Then an Indian, fireman and construction worker appeared. We danced until dawn.
No school, Day 1
7:15am: we have puzzles, activity books, stickers… we’ll get through this!
8:03am: *googles boarding schools with no coronavirus*
Sometimes when I want to make my girlfriend feel skinny, I just release about 25% of her from the air valve.
Me: *holding a devil’s food cake*
Satan: Give it back…
She’ll be coming around the Mountain when she comes. – Mountain bragging.
Maybe Jesus went black, and that’s why he isn’t coming back.
i hate the outside
i kinda miss it now