Millennial1: What’s a Solar Eclipse?
Millennial2: When the moon photobombs the sun.
Dear People who like me,
I appreciate every single two of you.
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If The Bachelor was realistic they’d ask each other where they want to go out to eat and then never make a decision.
Every time someone tells you they are a vegan an angel eats a dog.
“How much ice does it take to preserve a dead body?”
*I ask on twitter because googling it gets people caught.
Stop asking me to vote for your kid in contests. I’m too nice of a person to tell you I’m surprised you got laid in the first place.
Approx 4,500yrs ago men would wake up everyday to build the great pyramid. I got up this morning with anxiety about unloading the dishwasher
Hair pulling during sex is hot unless the whole wig comes off.
Received DM of the day:
Them: Why are you so angry?
Me: Why are you so stupid?
If you say “anyways” instead of “anyway,” that’s alls I needs to knows abouts yous.
You know when someone’s all “ugh this smells terrible” and they want you to smell it too? That’s what sharing political news is like lately.