@UrbanDouchebag

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is a copy of your naughty list.

Love,

-Tim

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Jurassic World: A generically modified smart 50 ft monster has turned violent and this, for some reason, took people by surprise.

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[my future self comes back in time]

HIM: here’s every sports score for the next 20 years

ME: great, thanks for ruining the games for me

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*gets out of bed*

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A special task force of the fbi that tracks down people who never returned their library books