@treywafer: Dear white people: you stop Adam Sandler from making movies and we'll stop Eddie Murphy.
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@mommajessiec: *giving my sister parenting advice* Me: So, you lift them like this. Sister: Okay. M: Then, scream into it. Now you try. S: [picks up pillow]
@thejessbess: I'm no scientist, but I don't think it's possible for EVERYBODY to be kung fu fighting.
@ericsshadow: My wife Googled "how responsible does a 10yr old need to be to stay at home without a babysitter" and now she won't let me stay home alone.