Doctors, soldiers, firefighters. These are all respected positions. But the position I respect most as a parent
Is a driver’s Ed instructor
The war on Christmas goes well. We found an elf stronghold & cut off its candy cane supply lines. Last night, they ate Donner.
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Before I rip these panties off you I gotta ask. Are they Victoria’s Secret or Wal-Mart? It’s important cause I’m on a budget and I’ll feel obligated to replace them.
What North Korea really needs is a decent haircut.
9-1-1 what’s ur emergency
“well i guess it’s that one of my friends changed all of my contacts’ phone numbers to 9-1-1.”
Satan: “I’m gonna put letters in mathematics. Lol!”
God: “I’m gonna make them all kill each other because of me.”
What do bats eat that makes their shit our standard for crazy?
I think I took the wrong pill from that Morpheus guy.
[Paranormal Investigator shows up at Disney World]
Ok, show me this so-called “haunted mansion”
my grandfather destroyed the economy w/ the overproduction of coins he pulled from behind my ears. the market simply could not deal