*gets coronavirus* but that’s impossible i have toilet paper
*decides to workout*
*lays on ground to do sit-up*
*find skittle on ground*
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Me: this is shit, I’m changing the channel
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Knowing when to keep opinions to yourself is a skill…
That I do not possess, apparently.
There better be a martial arts tournament in Australia called Mortal Wombat
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When you’re bad at swearing but you’re trying to threaten someone:
[pulls out acoustic guitar at a funeral]
alright everyone stop being all [finger quotes] sad this next 1 is dedicated to a very sexy widow.