@MGolicJR57
theory: eating m&ms one at a time will decrease my chances of eating them all in one sitting and feeling terrible later.
findings: I am going to barf very soon.
@DadandBuried
*decorating the tree*
6yo: Dad, can I help?
Me: Of course! First we string the lights, then we show Mommy & she tells us what we did wrong.
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@MGolicJR57
@thatdutchperson
[Person who spends 20 hours per week in the gym]
“The trick is to drink 8 glasses of water a day.”
@theguywitheyes
MY BODY: You should exercise
ME: That sounds good
MY BODY: Because it’s heathy
ME: Yeah!
MY BODY: And makes you feel good
ME: Definitely!
MY BODY: Let’s go exercise!
ME: I’m lost
@DaHess1
Hey you with the Uggs, Michael Kors bag, iPhone, scarf and super excited voice..
*70 million white women turn around*
@buttgh0st
“I’m just going through some stuff right now” -ghosts probably
@julcasagrande
Insomnia: she’s not going to sleep again and it’s all your fault
Coffee: she likes me strong and takes me late at night
Me: can you two stop talking about me like I’m not right here
@3sunzzz
Sorry I’m late. I had trouble getting my hedgehog into her sweater vest. She was being a little prick.
@aotakeo
sober me: where’s my phone?
drunk me: I’ll never tell
refrigerator: you’re not going to believe this
@stephaniemain2
Perfect
@CallMeSpits
GUYS!
GUYS!
GUYS!
IT HAS A NAME!