I guess it all started when I saw him put the toothpaste on before the water…
*therapist scribbles furiously*
Deep in the black void where my heart once beat, there lies a small, glowing ember– oh wait no that’s a Cheeto.
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Pizza will never hurt your feelings.
Jesus: my child, when there was only one set of footprints, Fred Flintstone was driving.
Neighbours kids just challenged me to a water fight.
I’m just tweeting while I wait for the kettle to boil.
There is a huge spider in my kitchen so I will be tweeting from on top of this table for whatever the life span of this species is.
Facebook Mom: OMG I can’t believe my kid is a high schooler now
Me: me too, he was quite stupid
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth…and drink all the vodka inside.
It seems to help
My bunny thumps at trash collectors. Nice to know that if the Sanitation Dept. ever has ill intentions, she won’t stand for any of that shit
8y:thank you for the present
….: no need..
8y: that’s what I thought too but mum said I have to
THEY SAY CHRIS BROWN GOT WORST TATTOO EVER! NO AGREE! DRUNK HULK THINK TATTOO GOT WORST PERSON EVER!