A leaf fell!
Nothing again!

-My dog’s daily announcements

You Might Also Like


I’ve been trying to leave Rome for weeks but all their roads have this weird design flaw.


If a deadly alligator appears in the instant after you tell your friends you’ll see them later there is literally no way to warn them


The ability of a morning phone call to trigger my anxiety speaks valiums


I wonder why nobody told Forrest Gump’s mom that all you have to do is flip over the box of chocolates and it tells you what’s inside.


BARBER: *finishes cutting my hair*

ME: perfect, thanks

BARBER: *holds mirror up to the back of my head*

VOLDEMORT: yep, that’s great


Fun prank: Find a sleeping spider, crawl in its mouth and lay your eggs. Turn the tables. Give nature the finger. Live it up.


I played Dodgeball…

I got Bullied….

I ate Gluten…

I didn’t get Participation Trophies…

I turned out fine…

So will your kid…


The best revenge is living well. Starting after you murder the person who wronged you.