the karate policy at this nursing home is bullshit
Demi Lovato is my favorite singer that is half human, half Lovato.
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Telling a woman she’s being unreasonable is like juggling lit torches while waist deep in gun powder.
If a shark attacks you, DO NOT punch him in the nose. Be the bigger person and just ignore him.
*Workers at the pinball factory trying to go home, but the automatic swinging doors keep knocking them back inside*
Playing hard to get works with some men but apparently cops call it “resisting arrest.”
“Head or tail?”
Her: That’s not how this works!
I think I’m finally becoming more mature. Now when I watch Spongebob I usually agree with Squidward.
We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
15 men all vying for the chance to fight with one woman:
1. The Bachelorette
2. The American presidential race
I keep a length of dental floss inside my perpetually furrowed brow.