he speaks in typos
EVERYTHING IS JUST FIND BRENDA!
ok maybe we should take 5
Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. These are the five stages of learning that Ben Affleck is the new Batman.
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Does the writer who left the space blank get upset when a note is added that it was intentionally left blank?
Family: Why would you get tattoos? They’re expensive and painful to get and they are PERMANENT!
Also family: Have a baby 🙂
Accidentally left the plunger in the toilet, so yeah the wife is wide awake now.
If you missed any of the most recent presidential debate, you can catch one side of it on any given Facebook friend’s page.
Dog: I saw everything, Barbara. Everything!
Barbara: What are you going to do? Take me to court?
ME: Yeah, I’ve heard that movie.
FRIEND: You mean ‘seen’ that movie.
ME: Ha ha. No! I’m on twitter. I haven’t seen a movie in 3 years.
911 – 911 what’s your emergency
Me – I am Australian and I watch too much American TV
911 – ….
Me – I don’t know our emergency number
I’m not getting enough attention when I go out so I’m gonna wear a tight spandex suit w/ my underpants on the outside.
Prince: Rapunzel, let down your hair.
Rapunzel: Hair, you’ll never be beautiful, you’ll always have split ends.
*hair is super let down*