Denied candy because I “didn’t wear red”. Kicked out of the office because I “didn’t wear pants”. I’m tired of these Valentine’s Day rules.

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Surround yourself with people that can’t handle their alcohol, so you can drink theirs after they pass out.


Instagram before the foods goes in, Twitter when the food goes out.


In an incredible turn of events we’ve been informed that the zodiac killer has killed himself after being mistaken for Ted Cruz


Guys, ladies love a rugged man.
Be like a wolf.
Knock down her house.
Eat her grandmother.
Tear her to shreds.
*makes wolf sounds


Whoever is training cashiers to hand change back with the coins on top of paper currency, stop.


Adult me: I wish I was a kid again.

Kid me: I wish I was a dinosaur! RaWr!


[Hoth Rebel Base]

Leia: How’s Skywalker?
Han: He was nearly frozen when I found him.
Leia: And, now?
Han: Lukewarm.
Leia: …
Han: Hehehe


I just watched one kid call his twin brother ugly and now I’m just waiting for him to realize what that means