Dentist: Do you floss?

Me: sometimes at wedding receptions if I’m drunk enough

You Might Also Like


I believe there’s at least 1 killer tweet in each of us. I must have had 2 and they killed each other.


If I won a billion dollars, I’d help so many people. I’d help them into my deadly tank of man eating sharks under my evil lair.


ME: And now to test my greatest invention, the cowtapult!
? O
? ? ? O
?? ?? o
????? o
???? ?
??? ?
??? .


Is there such a thing as “Spirit Furniture”? I think I’ve found mine…


[psychiatrist who used to be a cheerleader] you seem aggressive seem seem aggressive


I was told that exercise helps with your decision making.

It’s true.

After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.