Wonders if chickens do the funky people.
Dentist: Have you been brushing twice a day?
Me: *with immaculate hair* Pfft. More like five times.
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Even though my dad is a Trump supporter I let him borrow my car because I’m a good person. I mean, I’m going to report it stolen, but still.
If you can’t afford anal beads eat marbles and wait
“You know the speed limit here, son?”
“You know how fast you were going?”
“So where you off to in such a hurry?”
People just like to argue.
People: No we don’t
A date so good…
I eat 10 more.
me: wats ur favorite cheese
me: o thats ok let me kno when u remember
One of my girlfriend’s bras made it into the dryer.
It was nice knowing you guys.
Court her the old fashioned way by doing late night burnouts in front of her house
ME: oh yeah do you like that
ME: *like an auctioneer* doyoulikethat-isee$5foryes-$5foryes-doisee$10-$10foryes