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@FredTaming: dentist: have you been flossing?
me: yes :)
dentist: your mouth?
me: no :(
@MartaEffing: A hot mess? No, thanks. Sounds sticky and uncomfortable. I prefer my messes like I prefer my revenge: cold and served to someone else.
@SexytotheNorth: I'm single and proud of it!
* Flips hair
* Trips over cat
@Reverend_Scott: Ways to tell a woman's mad at you:
1. She's silent.
2. She's yelling.
3. She acts the same.
4. She acts different.
5. She murdered you.
@WheelTod: Somewhere a village is missing its idiot.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I can't remember where I live.
@amandajpanda: Me: The house is clean!
Kid: Hold my juice box!