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@FredTaming: dentist: have you been flossing?
me: yes :)
dentist: your mouth?
me: no :(
@mandysparklerxo: I just noticed the light fixture in the bathroom is off center, so no, I won't be renewing my lease.
@yonewt: *rapidly pushing elevator button*
no of course please tell me about your keto journey
@ilovepie84: "LET MY PEEPHOLE GO!"
-Moses when the cops found the peephole he installed in the Womens washroom.
@dafloydsta: ME: I have good news & bad news
WIFE: Bad news first
M: We're out of bananas
W: The good news?
M: *points to monkey in the kitchen*
Ah, let us behold the majesty of the Bald eagle. And let us acknowledge the social awkwardness of the Combover eagle.