Me: I have a problem.
Her: We’re married. Whatever it is, it’s our problem now.
Me: Ok. We had an affair with the neighbour’s daughter.
DENTIST: I need to test how sensitive you are
DENTIST: You have a stupid haircut
ME *lip starts trembling*
DENTIST: I see
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Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It’s like a tattoo that yells at you
*eats entire box of Triscuits*
*poops out a wicker chaise lounge*
I don’t date men unless they have tentacles. It’s called having standards.
Women have closets full of ‘I have nothing to wear.’
We grew up in the golden age of cartoons.
Getting lucky during a pandemic means I just scored the last bag of doritos in the grocery store.
I got tired of our restroom smelling like other people’s crap so I placed a chunk of mine behind the hot air vent.
ISSUE: is the road runner wile e coyote’s son
FOR: thhey, seem to respect each other, on some level
AGAINST: one of them is a dog
I never pay for drinks I just insult women at bars & when they throw drinks in my face I open my mouth haha thanks for the free booze ladies