Dentist: open wide

Me: 🙂

Dentist: not your arms

Me: 🙁

You Might Also Like


No Twitter crush. I have a twitter boyfriend who I intend to marry and have twitter babies. Then twitter divorce and take all his followers.


No thanks private caller, I don’t even answer the phone when I know who it is


Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.


Hello, Gotham Child Services. Oh dear. Both dead? My my. Well, does the child have a Butler that can raise him? Cos it’s a lot of paperwork.


She has a coy pond. All the pretty fish swim away when you try to feed them.


Girlfriend: [breaking up with me by phone] Hopefully someday it’ll be clear but you and I are not the same.

Me: Obviously not. They’re two different letters.



10 signs that he’s just not that into you

10. He is a cat.


I got expelled from school on pajama day.

It’s not my fault I sleep naked.


On autopsy, instead of pumping my stomach to determine what I’ve eaten in the past 24 hours, a coroner need only look down my cleavage.