“Give your email a good password. Letters, symbols, numbers.”
“What about my atm card which holds all my money?”
“Any 4 numbers in a row.”
Here’s your final:
Why is he bleeding
“Because you stabbed him?”
“Because he doesn’t floss”
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But why do gorillas even need so many adhesive products?
My key takeaway from Ghostbusters was that once you’re dead, your Miranda rights don’t count for shit.
Why yes, I do live under a rock. It’s called the moon.
“How much to go into this haunted house?”
“Sir, this is the Church of Scientology.”
“Ooh…Sounds scary! One ticket please!”
God making Khaki
God: I want a material that can be dressed up or dressed down
G: But it shows every pee drip
If Batman doesn’t wear underwear with my picture all over them, then this relationship is as one-sided as I feared.
Netflix: Are you still watching?
Netflix: Have you showered today?
Me: Um, I …
Netflix: And use soap this time.
“A black man follows me when it’s sunny outside. When it’s cloudy, he goes home.”
“Brick, that’s your shadow.”
#ThisExplainsWhy my hair is such a mess EVERY morning!