Deodorant? I’ve never needed to buy any. People just give it me. Complete strangers sometimes

You Might Also Like


It’s called a “Monte Cristo” sandwich because one day it will return disguised as another sandwich & seek its revenge


I bet every time Vanilla sets his razor down on the bathroom sink, he looks up in the mirror, rubs his newly smooth face & says “Shaved Ice”


A funny thing to do when someone’s dog barks at you is say, “I don’t speak dog,” and then when they leave the room, speak dog fluently.


Curious, how many years do you keep a mismatched sock before you can get rid of it? Is it like taxes? 7years?


Me: [getting eaten by a shark] this is statistically unlikely


[Stranded after plane crash]
Me: We need to choose which one of us to eat first

Him: omg this is cray cray

Me: ok that was easy


My 4 year old asked me if tears were made of pee and when I told him “no” he asked why they taste like pee. I have so many questions.