@Smethanie: Dermatologist asked why I want my tattoo removed and looked at me like no one's ever said "because it's my ex's Twitter handle" before.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Plexomatic: Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we're married and live together so I'd have to see them every day
@Rollmaninoz: *Shrek pre-production meeting* Producer: Do we have a name for the dragon yet Guy who named the donkey “Donkey”: I was thinking Dragon sir
@Parentpains: My wife is acting like giving me the silent treatment for four days is a bad thing.
@varoon_singh: When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?