@femaleproblems

#DescribeYourLifeInAPicture

You Might Also Like

@dumbbeezie

I’ve never texted someone to let them know I made it home safe. Shoulda come with me if you wanted details

@david8hughes

I think my 2 year old is behind the Netflix algorithm. He’s like “Because I liked being carefully tossed up in the air by my dad, I might also enjoy running headfirst into this doorframe”.

@TheToddWilliams

[Whole Foods]
ME: Hi
CLERK: Hello
ME: Do you…uh
CLERK: Do we what?
ME: Do you have any…uh
CLERK: Go on
ME: Do you have any Half Foods?

@TheAndrewNadeau

handyman: figured out why your cupboard keeps opening

me: *nodding* ghosts

handyman: …this screw is loose

me: ah.

handyman:

me:

handyman:

me: how would a ghost get a screwdriver?

@Playing_Dad

Wife: Why is there a charge for $3,000 to Men’s Warehouse?

Me: I have no idea. Don’t go outside tho

@BigFatNothing

A local business in my town has an open carry discount. As in, you show them a gun to save money. Doesn’t that discount apply everywhere?

@Parkerlawyer

My daughter in college texted me and asked where to go to get air in her tires. I told her the gas station and I swear on all that is holy her response was this, “I only have $88 in my bank account. Will it cost more than that?”