Design fail.

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me: siri tell me a joke

siri: *turns on front facing camera*


[before invention of Twitter]

Void: I just feel empty sometimes

Abyss: *sighs* IKR

[after invention of Twitter]

Void: (:

Abyss: (:


“This tweet isn’t funny yet. Welp, better remove all the commas and capital letters! Ah, PERFECTION!” –me


*man invents wheel*

“How can we possibly improve this?”

*Man invents wheel of cheese*

“Nailed it!”


Wife: the library called about an overdue book
*eye my copy of Outlandish Excuses for Everyday Life*
“Tell them I died in the moon wars”


*walks in on son making batman & iron man action figures kiss*


“dad i can explain”

u should never EVER mix the dc & marvel universes


Theravada Monks purge all their earthly possessions to express their faith and pursue spiritual stillness of mind. I did it because fleas.


Spring allergies- because my body likes to panic about plant sex