If you die in a plane crash, you also die in real life. That’s just what I heard.
[devil’s first day on the job]
human: so i get anything I want?
human: and all you want is my shoe?
devil: just the bottom part, but yes
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Writing Tip: Learn the letters. YES all of them. Regardless of what you write they’ll come in handy. Try experimenting w/ diff combinations.
So say some animals *were* injured in the making of a film. Is that listed in the credits or what? “Bob hurt one bird. He’s very sorry.”
Sally: I Love You Mommy!
Me: Melts into a puddle.
Sally(5 minutes later to her breakfast): I Love You Waffles.
Me: Oh. ??
A Jurassic Park movie where nothing goes wrong just 2 of the employees fall in love & later a baby dino is the ring bearer at their wedding
I wanna learn to speak Italian. Partially to go to Italy but mostly so I can pretend I don’t know English when people wanna make small talk.
The theme from Jaws plays eerily in the distance, only to reveal me approaching an open bar at a wedding.
Take me to get something to eat. I’m too drunk to drive.
Officer: “I need you to step out of the car, ma’am.”
I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
Karate Kid (1984) Two grown adults enlist minors to fight a martial arts proxy war.