DiCaprio movie endings;
Shutter Island: is he dead?
Titanic: is the boat dead?
Romeo & Juliet: is everyone dead?
Inception: am I dead?

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I just got hit head on by a crazy women riding a menstrual cycle.


Me: promise you won’t show anyone?

Him: promise

*sends pics

H: that’s pics of fruit snacks

M: you said you wanted pics of my goods


One of these days you’ll see the real me.

Probably next week. I’m almost out of concealer.


Therapist sighs, sets down glasses, rubs the bridge of his nose. “For the last time, Christy, eating ham is not a life plan.”


[in hospital]
son: what happened dad
me: bar fight
son: over what?
me: he said… *clenches fists* he said Zelda is a boy


1 PM: I can’t wait to go to bed

1 AM: I should reorganize the garage


Def Leppard: Pour some sugar on me.

Definite Leopard: Place precisely two teaspons of sugar directly in my hand.


*raises the bar

16 yrs later]

Bar: even though you weren’t my real father I always wanted to call you, dad. Dad.

*me trying not to cry


Her ankles were strong & sturdy, keeping her feet attached to her legs at all times. She had the eyebrows of a livid mechanic.