@Kyle1092

Did a little self diagnosing over on Web MD and it turns out I’ve been dead since 2006

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@GrowlyGrego

*wakes up drenched in sweat*
WAS BINGO THE FARMER OR THE DOG?

@KKAlThani

I bet whenever a cow eats a lot of grass she says to her friends “I’ve been eating like a cow!” and they’d laugh and moo or whatever cows do

@delusions_of

My phone always asks if I “trust this computer” like it knows something I don’t.

@Death_Buddy

I keep a chalk outline of myself drawn outside my house so any murderers think, “dang, someone’s already got the murdering covered here”

@phirm

Hey is it just me or is there another two-letter pronoun used to refer to oneself as the object of a verb or preposition?

@TheMomAtLaw

What we really mean when we say parenting gets “easier” is that kids eventually sleep more and get their own snacks.