Did a little self diagnosing over on Web MD and it turns out I’ve been dead since 2006

You Might Also Like


*wakes up drenched in sweat*


I bet whenever a cow eats a lot of grass she says to her friends “I’ve been eating like a cow!” and they’d laugh and moo or whatever cows do


My phone always asks if I “trust this computer” like it knows something I don’t.


I keep a chalk outline of myself drawn outside my house so any murderers think, “dang, someone’s already got the murdering covered here”


Hey is it just me or is there another two-letter pronoun used to refer to oneself as the object of a verb or preposition?


What we really mean when we say parenting gets “easier” is that kids eventually sleep more and get their own snacks.