There are two wolves inside you, I don’t remember what you’re supposed to do with them but I DO remember they WILL NOT do that thing with peanut butter that dogs will.
Did I say feelings? I meant uhhh sandwiches. I have sandwiches for you.
You Might Also Like
My son, 15, DOES NOT KNOW the name of the street we’ve lived on for 7 years. We are taking him to the vet to get micro-chipped.
“I < 3 You” means I’m smaller than 3 of you.
Wait one second “Mario Brothers” Implies that Luigi’s name is Luigi Mario and Mario’s name is Mario Mario….What is this I’m smoking again?
god: these are humans
angel: how do they work?
god: [rubbing temples] not…not well
Keep your friends close & your enemies, in your trunk. Unless you’re crossing a border. Then don’t do that.
“Hey, your fly’s down”
*pets fly’s head* you’ll be alright little buddy, chin up.. we’ll get you some new wings
[After date, walking her to her door]
Her: Thanks. I would invite you in, but I don’t want to.
I always ask Subway workers if THEY want double meat, then wink.
Then I get kicked out.
My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic. I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.