Cute guy: Is this seat taken?
Me: (ok, play it cool) No. *smiles*
Him: *takes chair away*
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this kid says there was a weird sweaty man in the ball pit but I was in there and didn’t see him
poorly designed sticker of the day
Him: “What should I pick up for the storm?”
“I meant essentials. We could be stranded.”
“Ohhhhhh. Then nachos AND vodka.”
The world is your Oyster.
So raw, rubbery and resembling a booger?
4: “Can I say fuh?”
4: “Can I say king?!”
You haven’t experienced awkward until you tickle someone who isn’t ticklish.
I used to care what my neighbours think but then I met them
Me: how do I do taxes?
School: here’s a recorder
Me: what is a credit score?
School: just put it in your mouth and blow like this
Me: how do I choose the right healthcare plan?
School: HOT. CROSS. BUNS.
doctor: i’m sorry [consoling my family] he’s going to live