Did some financial planning and it looks like I can retire at 62 and live comfortably for eleven minutes.

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I think the short sellers had it right with Game Stop. It’s a failing business. If you look closely at their actual business model it does not seem at all effective at stopping games.


wanna see the reptiles?
GUY NOT READY TO ADMIT HE LOVES SNAKES: i mean sure if u wanna stare at things that are like one long muscle


If you add a touch of olive oil to your pan of kale, it will help slide it into the garbage.


Tell the guy at the first drive-thru window that you want the guy at the second window to throw your food into the car without you stopping.


Youtube is the only place where you’ll find people arguing about religion in the comments of a snowboarding video.


[God inventing iguanas]
Maybe humans are done dealing with dinosaurs, but ants aren’t


How come “you’re a peach” is a complement but “you’re bananas” is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?


*first astronaut lands on Mars*
NASA: How does it feel son?
Astronaut: Feels pretty good to be 33 million miles away from Dave Matthews Band