@gingerfaced

Did you ever think about ten years ago you’d be saying.. “I really hope this is a chick I’m talking to”.

You Might Also Like

@_Mo_lee_

Guys with balls hangin from ur truck. that would mean ur truck is a man,yes? Which means you like to be inside a dude all day. Lol homo. : p

@andlikelaura

BOOGEYMAN: lauraaaaa…wake up I’m gonna EAT YOU

ME: [wakes up] finally

BOOGEYMAN: what?

ME: let’s do this

BOOGEYMAN: it’s not fun if you want it

ME: look buddy either eat me or get out i have to be up in an hour

BOOGEYMAN: s..sorry [leaves]

@Gupton68

Wow, what amazing teeth! May I have a closer look?

~ Red Riding Hood, seconds before realising that forgetting to wear her spectacles wasn’t the only mistake she’d make that day.

@ErinChack

i’m really getting my money’s worth on rent this year

@Darlainky

Parents, we noticed you successfully avoiding the candy and toy aisles, so we brought the candy and toys to your checkout lanes.
-stores

@jwoodham

The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself “do I want to see it?” If you do, it’s not on Netflix.

@Adar79Angie

If your Dad leaves, just act like you’re installing a new screen door. All the Dads of the neighborhood will gather round. Pick your new Dad

@Clare_innit

It’s fun to smudge your lipstick and ruffle your hair before you come out of your bosses office, then give your work colleagues a wink.