Me: *explains math problem*
Tween: I don’t understand.
Me: *explains the exact same way except more aggravated*
Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
You Might Also Like
THE SUN HASN’T RISEN IN SIX WEEKS AND THE ANIMALS ARE AGITATED. THE EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM JUST SAYS “THAT’S ALL FOLKS”
If you can get the pronouns right for a boat you can get them right for a person
Him: Flash me a smile. You’re prettier when you smile.
I seductively part my lips to reveal one perfect orange slice.
Having Justin Bieber sing at your funeral so your death will be the second worst thing happening to your friends that day.
Did you know: Wi-Fi is short for “wireless fireless.” Pre-wi-fi all internet was fire based. Firewall, firewire, “fire up the computer” etc.
HER: I love a man who likes to get a little crazy.
ME: *trying to impress* I’m a psychopath.
This guy keeps buying me drinks and talking to me as if I’ll go home with him just because we’re married
Monolith: look, when I booked this tour how could I have known 2020 would—
Monolith Travel Agent: I’m sorry, these are non-refundable tickets
I started feeding the birds a steady diet of pastel died Rice… You know, to brighten up the neighborhood a little bit…